The woman behind a controversial Facebook page for women to discuss the men they are dating has said it is a “good group” and a must.
Are we dating the same guy Aberdeen/Shire is a private group on the social media platform that has 6,840 members.
The group says it’s “for women who are dating or in an exclusive relationship who have doubts or concerns about their partners’ fidelity.”
Speaking exclusively to The P&J, one of the group’s administrators, who goes by the name ‘Steph’ to protect her identity, only took up her role “about two months ago”.
The founder had to leave because of threats from men
The previous admin team, including its original founder, stepped down from their roles due to “threats” from the men.
“People were going to their addresses and threatening their children,” said Steph, who added that it was “right” that they quit their roles because of it.
“The woman who made it, I sent her a message and said, ‘look, I’ll gladly take it over and use a burning account.’
Steph said she “still gets threats” but believes she is protecting herself and her children by remaining anonymous and using a fake name and Facebook account.
The first group of its kind was set up in New York City in March 2022 and the mum thinks it has been “very helpful” for people meeting, adding: “I’m single myself so I know how terrifying it can be , it’s like walking into a pool of sharks.
“I am willing to listen to men”
“I feel like people have a right to know what they’re getting into, especially with other people’s experiences.”
However, despite there being positives, Steph admits that the group has its downsides and downsides.
She says administrators are trying to “filter out as much as they can.”
“Obviously there are a lot of women who will put up posts that aren’t exactly true and try to do that to cause trouble and affect people, and there’s a very fine line that we try not to cross. .
“I have spoken to many men in private messages and helped them. I’m willing to listen, but I also have to stay very neutral.”
She adds: “If there’s obvious evidence that it’s an ex-partner or people who aren’t exactly telling the truth and there’s stuff that can support that, I’m happy to take down the posts.
“There have been women who have been caught doing this just to cause harm and tear families apart.
“I don’t have time for that.
“They will be removed and expelled from the group.”
Steph says she “sympathises to a degree” with the men who post on the site and “understands it’s not good”.
“But if there is any truth behind the allegations, you have to consider it and understand that you are the problem.
“So maybe it’s time you got that behavior under control.”
Men are not allowed to join the group
Critics of Are We Dating The Same Guy Aberdeen/Shire say the group is “sexist” and is helping to ruin the reputations of the men they post about, although Steph doesn’t believe that’s the case.
“Our entire team will go through the comments and filter them.
If there is nothing untoward, or if there is no evidence to the contrary that he has done such things, I am happy to remove the posts.”
Steph also believes that “whether they are women or men, they should be allowed to share their thoughts freely.
“At the end of the day, everyone’s reality and truths are completely different,” she said, adding that men are not allowed to join the site as a “very good safety line” as some of the people who post about men are victims of domestic violence from them.
Steph “takes some credit” for the argument that men should be allowed to defend themselves.
She says she is “100%” in favor of the male equivalent of Are we dating the same girl Aberdeen/Aberdeenshire.
“I think it’s a great thing for anyone in the dating scene, it’s ideal for everyone.”
“I don’t just allow single women because partners cheat, people are unfaithful, so I think it’s perfectly fine.”
“horror story” dating
In fact, Steph reveals that “many” members have caught their partners through it.
And why does she continue to run this site despite fearing threats? “People are very good at disguising who they really are and it’s a very dangerous world these days.
Dating has always been scary, but I think it’s kind of grown up now, especially for women. Now I don’t feel comfortable going on dates and going on Tinder because it’s all just horror stories.”
One thing she won’t stand for is children being threatened, something she says she “just doesn’t.”
Are you a man who has been featured in the group? Contact livenews@ajl.co.uk to have your say