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Dear care and nutrition,
I am an educator who is away for the summer. My neighbor’s kids, who are close to my age (9 and 10), knock on my door every morning around 9 am.
I am not a morning person and I like to enjoy my time to sleep. My children know this about their mother, and sometimes sleep too – but even if they are awake, they are certainly not ready for company yet. The kids knock on my door all day long. Often, they haven’t eaten at home and are reluctant to leave when I prepare food for my kids or just want them to go home. Their mother works at night and sleeps during the day, so she may not be fully aware of her children’s behavior/routine. How do I set boundaries politely without coming across as rude or selfish?
– Home for the summer
dear house,
You can politely set a boundary with the kids by telling them clearly – and maybe also putting a sign on the door saying – that they shouldn’t be knocking on your door before … well, whatever time you choose to specify. Tell them that just as they know not to wake their mother, you don’t want to be woken up either. And say please.
But beyond that, what worries me is that you have two young children living near you who are not fed or cared for all day. And your (seemingly) only concern is that they don’t scoff at you for food or attention. Do your kids enjoy playing with them? (For my daughter, at that age, having neighbor-friends her own age was a godsend: they could play whenever they wanted without having to rely on their parents to arrange play dates. Would it work always those neighborhood kids. They weren’t necessarily her dear friends, almost always available, and kids want to have friends.) If your kids want to play with her? Neighbor children, would it kill you to be kind and generous to them?
Now, if your children feel dressed, it would be different. So talk to your kids about this before you do anything more than put up a Do Not Disturb Until Noon sign. And by “anything about it” I mean both setting more boundaries, as required by your children, and letting these hungry children stay for dinner or a snack. And think about what you said about their reluctance to go home when you “just want them to go.” That sounds callous to me. They are children. They are left to their own devices all day. Is it your responsibility to take care of them? No. But would it be good—would it be good— if you have allowed them to enjoy your hospitality (again, if your children are happy with the status quo)? Of course you will. And it is always better to do good than not to do.
-Michelle
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